Finding the power within you to forgive
For average people like you and me, we’re happy 50% of the time. However, there are a few things in our lives that we cannot seem to let go. They are the reasons that we’re unhappy the other 50% of the time. They could be past memories that still torment us today; or they could be lingering drama that continues to exist in our lives. At some point, we get tired of the emotional burden that weighs us down. We all have memories of how we have been wronged and memories that harbor resentments. We seek justice in our thoughts by re-living the events and prosecute the perpetrators over and over again. It becomes a habit and an addiction. Being addicted to anger, sadness and fear, the past lives in the present and will continue to live in the future. Life is deprived of joy and the cycle of depression begins. Carrying any resentment in our life is detrimental to our mental, physical and spiritual health. It distorts the way we view other people, and more importantly the way we view ourselves. The ultimate purpose of our life on Earth is to learn how to love. Love ourselves and love others as we are all one. This is the foundation of spirituality. Emotions that create separation such as anger, hurt, and fear block us from making progress in the spiritual journey. The resentments manifest in many different forms in our body and life - ailments, chronic diseases, toxic relationships, self-sabotaging thoughts, etc. How do we move on?
Me and My Story
When we’re experiencing negative emotions, we often identify ourselves as victims in the stories we repeatedly play over and over again in our head. In the stories, we are vulnerable, we are taken advantage of and we shouldn’t have to gone through what we’ve been through. We feel helpless because we don’t have a say in what happens to us. After all, why would we wish to suffer? When we identify with victimhood, we lose the ability to perceive life beyond physicality. Our view is ruled by the dichotomy of good/bad, right/wrong and victim/villain. It’s me against the world.
As explained by many spiritual teachers, human beings have an innate drive to create separation for it is the survival instinct. This survival instinct is the function of the Root Chakra (red ray energy) to preserve the self by separating from others. Out of it creates the Ego. Ego is a series of conditioned thought patterns that create a sense of who we are. Ego is an extension of the true self in the physical world to experience life and learn from the experiences in order to expand. It is in ego’s nature to separate “self” from “others” in order to sustain the sense of existence. It does so by creating identifications with objects, roles, emotions, etc. The seemingly dire inability to move on and shed the identify of victim is one of ego’s work - me and my story.
Some egos, if they cannot get praise or admiration, will settle for other forms of attention and play roles to elicit them. If they cannot get positive attention, they may seek negative attention instead, for example, by provoking a negative reaction in someone else…The playing of negative roles becomes particularly pronounced whenever the ego is magnified by an active pain-body, that is to say, emotional pain from the past that wants to renew itself through experiencing more pain…” - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth, p.87
The Ego thrives on others’ attention because this energy strengthens its sense of existence. If it cannot get others’ attention, then it tries to get attention from itself. When the ego plays the role of victim, it seeks sympathy, pity and others’ interest in my problems. (me and my story) If no one will pay attention to my problem, then I’ll repeat it to myself and feel sorry for myself. Then I feel my existence through the identify of someone who has been treated unfairly by life, other people, the society, etc.
Trying to truly forgive someone through logical thinking is a moot point. In many cases, you can think of 100 reasons why you should let go but you just can’t. It’s hard for the ego to let go of any identify because it dissolves its existence little by little. The instinct is to fight back in order to survive by holding on to the identities. How do we cease being trapped by the ego in this illusory prison?
The Choices We Made
Being eternal, our souls learn by living temporary mortal lives. We forget about our eternal nature so we are fully immersed in the lessons in each incarnation. Although it is difficult to comprehend why the true self would choose to endure all the hardships in life from our point of view, to the eternal souls these hardships are merely a small portion of a much bigger mission.
Once a soul is healed and has decided to incarnate again, the next stage in the return process is to be directed to the place of life selection. Souls consider when and where they want to go on Earth before making a decision on who they will be in their new life. - Michael Newton, Journey of Souls, p.206
In the stage of life selection, the souls picks the lessons they want to learn, chooses the people who will be involved in teaching and learning, previews the obstacles designed to enable the learning of the lessons intended. We choose our bodies, where we will be born, our parents, personalities, etc. We agree to the game plan of each incarnation prior to entering the world. The decision to leave the sanctuary of the spirit world to incarnate again is not easy. However, it is necessary for the souls to go through the process in order to progress. Using the school system as a reference, the souls advance through different levels in the spirit world. Younger souls incarnate more frequently because they have a lot more to learn and the chances of having to repeat the same lessons are higher. Older souls incarnate less frequently because they are more efficient at learning the lessons in each incarnation. Nevertheless, once the decision of returning to incarnation is made, the souls exit the spirit world with hope and love. The hope that we will accomplish the goals and the love of the creator, our teachers, guides and soul friends.
Although most people have experienced love, many of us have unresolved resentment or hurtful memories of those close to us. We are supposed to be protected and loved. We identify as victims of our parents/family members whom we inherited without a say in the matter. This is not true. While there are endless possibilities that will result from the choice of free will, we chose the structure of our lives before we entered the body. The structure includes the goals of life and a syllabus of lessons we need to learn. The content of each lesson unfolds as we start each lesson and updates with every decision we make. If we pay attention, we will notice that all the challenges we face in life have the same theme(s). The content of each challenge might be different but the lessons we are supposed learn from each challenge are the same. When we fail to recognize the lesson, we will have to repeat it over and over again. Some people call this karma.
“Nothing happens to anyone that he can’t endure.” - Marcus Aurelius
The Risks
The beginner soul may live a number of lives in a state of confusion and ineffectiveness, influenced by an Earth curriculum which is different from the coherence and supportive harmony of the spirit world. Less developed souls are inclined to surrender their will to the controlling aspects of human society, with a socio-economic structure which causes a large proportion of people to be subordinate to others… - Michael Newton, Journey of Souls, p.127
The complexity of human desires and emotions make the Earth a more difficult planet to incarnate in. For the same reason, the Earth is also the best planets for souls to learn and graduate. Although it is not without any risks. We went through the veil of forgetting in order to be able to fully immerse in the human experience. Sometimes, the souls never remember their true origin. The pain and suffering endured by the physical body can be so severe that the soul is overpowered. Some people become awaken after going through painful emotional or physical suffering. The shattering experiences help them penetrate through the veil and enable them to experience the dimension beyond physicality. They gain clarity on the purpose of life and devote themselves to accomplish the goals. Others live the entire life unconsciously and therefore have to repeat the same lessons in the next incarnation.
In the case studies shared by Michael Newton in his book, Journey of Souls, we learn that younger souls tend to have a more difficult time penetrating the veil of forgetting. For that reason, they incarnate more frequently than older souls in order to accomplish their learning goals.
We Are Learners, Not Sinners
Unlike the common belief of heaven or hell for afterlife, Michael Newton’s case studies show that the soul world is forgiving and loving. After we return home from Earth, we go through a healing process. We are guided by teachers and soul friends in the transition from the physical world to the spirit world. After sometime, we begin reviewing the life we had on Earth. We discuss the choices we made with soul friends and the teachers. No judgement or criticism is made for the “mistakes” we made on Earth. Our teachers guide us to understand alternatives to the decision we made and our soul friends might offer suggestions as well. In these review sessions, we are supported, accepted and loved as who we are. No one is flawed or less worthy. On Earth, we are all learners and not sinners.
Compassion
Having the understanding of the dimension beyond human form gives us the ability to be compassionate. First, we should be compassionate towards ourselves. Recognizing that we are whole and complete just the way we are. The society tells us otherwise and reminds us that we are not enough everyday through marketing, propaganda, hierarchy, financial control, etc. People in our lives tell us we’re not good enough because they see their own reflections in us. And we do the same to others. We have a hard time accepting people for who they are. Deep down, we have a hard time accepting who we are. This becomes a vicious cycle. A cycle that requires great efforts to break. The effort to believe that you deserve love because you are love. For the majority of souls, enlightenment doesn’t happen overnight. We make progress by meditating, doing shadow work, going to therapy sessions. The first step to forgiving someone or life is to have compassion for yourself. Surface the wounds so you know what you’re dealing with.
We Are Not Victims
The suffering we endure is for a greater purpose. The purpose of teaching the creator and uniting with the creator. Labeling ourselves as victims makes these experiences small, limited and meaningless. The moment we stop seeing ourselves as victims, we correct the course of the learning path and become one step closers to accomplishing what we are here to learn. Be aware of the game the ego likes to play which is “me and my story.”
Ask, and You Shall Receive
Life gives us the illusion of solitary sometimes. It feels like life is me against the world. We have teachers, guides, friends and loved ones watching over us. We have to ask for help. Ask for help humbly, whole-heartedly and with trust. The help could be a nice stranger giving you direction when you’re lost; it could be a dear friend who is always there to listen to you; it could be a book that you happen to pick up and start reading. Keep an open mind and observe without judgment with intuition. We shall see the abundant help we’ve always had that helps us navigate through this challenging yet rewarding trip on Earth.
