Healing from emotional trauma

We all have emotional trauma that we need to heal. When people think about emotional trauma, they think it has to be something extreme and dramatic in order to create deep emotional wounds. This is not true. Any unresolved emotional issues we have create pent up anger within us. Slowly over time, this lingering emotional trauma creates resentment. Resentment is a strong emotion that damages our mental health and happiness seriously. It is an energy within us that needs to place to go. When we don’t recognize and confront the source of the resentment, it creates problems in our life. It is like a cry from our soul to get our attention and notice that there is something that needs to be repaired. We might turn to external stimuli for temporary escapes but we all have to heal internally eventually. The signs of emotional trauma vary from person to person but they are usually beliefs that make you doubt or even hate yourself. Here are some examples of symptoms of emotional trauma:

• Anger

• Self-blame (guilt, shame)

• Imposter Syndrome (self-doubt)

• People pleasing

• Low self-esteem

• Afraid to speak up for yourself

Unrecognized and unresolved emotional trauma creates turmoils in our life and we become unhappy. The emotional trauma’s source almost always traces back to our childhood. When we were young, we were so susceptible to adults’ words and emotions. Our intuition was so strong that we could pick up any positive and negative energies in the environment. We were much more vulnerable emotionally. Something as trivial as a mindless comment or gesture can hurt and scar a child emotionally for a long time.

Recognizing our emotional trauma is not agreeing to being a victim. We give away our power of free will the moment we identify as a victim. When we consider ourselves as victims, we unconsciously trap ourselves in a cycle of pain and suffering. Slowly over time, we stop being responsible for our life, actions, emotions because we are used to thinking we don’t have a say in what happens to us. Awareness is the light that shines on darkness. Being aware of the emotional patterns you have is the first step to taking back the steering wheel of your life.

Here are 5 steps to take to heal from emotional trauma:

1. Acknowledge Your Pain

The life most people know is full of pain and suffering. We learn to believe that pain and suffering are what help us grow. We have a shadow that’s constantly cast over our heads that follows us around. It’s like a tall wall that keeps building up around us. And it eventually starts to block the light that brought us to this world. This wall keeps getting taller and taller until it swallows us in a well of darkness and we struggle to climb our way out to see the light again. Some of us never make our way out and for those who do, a lot of them fall back into the well from time to time. The only way for us to not fall back into the well is to break the wall once and for all. Every challenge in our life is an opportunity for a breakthrough. If we keep running away from the challenges, we will never break the karmic cycle. Things that we find most difficult to make peace with are often what we’re meant to learn in this lifetime. If we choose not to learn these lessons, we’ll become hamsters on a wheel. And the wheel is eternity. Making the decision to confront your shadow is the first step to healing. This decision is showing yourself that you are worth it!

2. Identify the Beliefs that Are Limiting You

When we decide to confront our shadow, it’s sad to realize that the foundation of this well is often built by people who are close to us when we are young - parents, grandparents, siblings and relatives. Every doubt, criticism and negative emotion piles up like heavy rocks around us. These shape the limiting beliefs we have about us. We fight back and try to kick the rocks down at first and eventually we grow tired. The crew who builds our well begins with our families, teachers, friends, classmates, strangers on the street and then eventually, we start piling up the rocks ourselves. Slowly over time, we forget about the light and that this well is not where we belong. 

There are so many limiting beliefs we have for ourselves. Here are some examples of the kind of limiting beliefs we need to let go of:

• I’m not good enough

• I’m not smart enough

• I’m not good at ___

• I’m poor

• I don’t have what it takes to ___

• I don’t have any choice

Can you think of 3 events in your life (as far back as possible) that could contribute to establishing the limiting beliefs you have about yourself?

3. Take 5 Deep Breaths and Be Present

It’s natural to feel angry or irritated when making the connection between a limiting belief and the events that contribute to the belief. Too often, we realize our emotional trauma starts with people whom we love. Take a moment and distant yourself from the emotions you might be having now. Believe that everyone is doing the best with what they know. We don’t know what we don’t know. For example, if people who hurt you are your parents, try to understand this. Our parents are victims of unconscious parents themselves and later on become the unconscious parents to us. It’s a karmic cycle that takes generations to break and it exists in every family. The unconscious behaviors are often justified by the labels of culture, religion, virtues, group harmony, etc. These labels perpetuate the suffering we create for ourselves and others by persecuting those who dare to challenge the norms and refuse to conform.

Being in the karmic trench, we all participate in these unconscious behaviors. To use more labels, we are both the perpetrator and victim. While we sit in our own well, we continue to build our well higher and higher and we somehow have the magic ability to keep on building others’ well telepathically. As time goes on, our longing for harmonious relationships with others grows as the isolation deepens. 

4. Accept That You Are Responsible

Our external world is a reflection of our internal belief. When we truly understand this concept, we’ll see that the only person who is building our well is ourselves. We accept other people’s thoughts/opinions, internalize them and manifest them in our lives willingly. Every rock of the well is a manifestation of our own thoughts. If we can build the well by thinking, we can take it down the same way. This realization within us is the beginning of breaking the generational karmic cycle. If we want to change the world, we have to change ourselves first. The same goes for healing. Remember the power of free will we all have. Nothing can be forced upon us unless we agree to it.

5. Forgive Yourself

The healing process begins when one forgives oneself. Be honest with what you have to forgive yourself for. For example, do you feel guilty about your input in an unbalanced relationship? Do you feel angry about allowing yourself to be hurt?

We forgot about our Divine origin. We forgot that we are whole and complete always. However, understanding this versus actually “knowing” this is different. The dilemma is that without fully forgiving ourselves, it’s hard for us to experience the whole and completeness within us. Sometimes we have a glimpse of the warm and unconditional love during meditation. We feel loved and forgiven in the moment.

In addition to meditation, I found it also helps to write down the experiences from your point of view. This exercise is not to blame others and put yourself in a victim’s mentality. It is merely a process for you to speak up for yourself to yourself. You will understand that you really don’t have to be so hard on yourself.